I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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