She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
