half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
