in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
