I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
