You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
