ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
