I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
