Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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