East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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