dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
