i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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