I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
