my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
