Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
