What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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