i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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