He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
