My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
