What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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