I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
