Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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