you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Is it penis luge time yet?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
