the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
