My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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