Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
