Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
