mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
