I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
