a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
