tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
