On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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