We won't sleep together?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Drunk is not a location!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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