i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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