im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
