Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
