am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize