Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
