You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize