i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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