stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize