put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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