I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
