i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
