I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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