Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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