so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
