Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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