You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
