he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
