I wish my penis had an off switch
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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