This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
