I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
