drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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