this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
