porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
