Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
