I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
