K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
