toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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