I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
