PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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