If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
