So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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