oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize