I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
